The self-sabotaging behavior keeping your career stuck

You set a goal for yourself. Finally lose enough weight to fit into those skinny jeans again, have more energy in the evening, get a raise to take your family on holiday. One year later and nothing has changed. The reason: as humans we tend to self-sabotage. In this article I explain why this matters and why you should care. I hope you are ready to leave your comfort zone.

Your normal is filled with self-sabotage

You are completely unaware how self-sabotage is actually impacting your career and your life. There is a biological reason. Your 2 billion year old brain likes you to stay in the unknown. Because it likes safety. For things to stay as they are.

The truth is: self- sabotaging behavior is a learned coping mechanism. As soon as things get tough, this is our go-to. The more we do it, the deeper it becomes ingrained in our brain. Simply said: it becomes your normal.

Here is the problem. You truly believe your normal is good enough. It is simply who you are.

You tend to overeat when you are cranky because it is who you are.

When a colleague asks you to do something for him, you immediately oblige because it is who you are.

You don’t like to be in the spotlight, because it is who you are.

“You think that it is just who you are. What you are actually saying is that you have a block. And it has been there as long as you can remember. ”

But it is not. These are layers of programming.

What your parents or your teacher said, what society expects but it is not who you are.

Honestly, here is what you have to know about me. I was a lazy teen and honestly a lazy student in the early days. I became an overachiever later down the road. It is not something that is in my DNA. I learned this behavior and as a result”doing nothing” is hard for me these days.

The brain and self-sabotage

For all the nerds out there, who like to understand this in more detail. Here is the neuroscience for you.

The amygdala is part of your subconscious mind that controls emotions, survival instincts, and memory. It controls our subconscious mind so powerfully that it actually makes decisions for us. Even decisions we think we are making. This saves energy. We like that.

But the tendency to default to routines also suppresses patterns involving our self-worth and how we interact with others. That means that the thought “I am not good enough”goes by unnoticed. We also do not like to be challenged on our deeply held beliefs. We prefer to confirm what we already know (confirmation bias).

We do not notice the self-sabotaging behaviors as a result. But we are faced with the consequences.

Intuitively, we feel that we should do better. Get more Euros on our bank account, make a much bigger impact or finally get that promotion.

Signs of self-sabotage

Self-sabotage is pretty unique for every person. But working with many clients in the past year, there are some recurring examples.

Procrastination is a big one. You know you should….but you don’t. Perhaps you miss deadlines or put it somewhere where you cannot see it. This is a clear sign of self-sabotage.

Never finishing what you start. This is often linked to perfectionism. You start something but then. It simply doesn’t happen. You never get around of doing it.

Perfectionism. You can’t take action until it’s the “right time,” or believe you need to work more on your skills before you can do something. Perfection is a sneaky sabotage that prevents you from moving forward.

Negative self-talk/negative thinking. Your inner dialogue is super critical. Are you berating yourself for past mistakes? Are you always criticizing yourself?

You simply stop. You don’t want to think about, talk about it or get a reminder. The skill is there but something stops you from moving forward.

Overthinking: you cannot decide on 1 answer but you have many. That’s ok. But the fact that you stay in your head is usually a sign of self-sabotage.

Self-criticism : you think that you are unworthy, not good enough. As a result, you do not believe in yourself. You constantly criticize yourself.

Chaotic behavior: When one aspect of your life is in chaos….. there is usually more. The fact that you waste time and en energy here, says enough.

Imposter syndrome: You think that you’re a fraud, feeling like you are not good enough to deserve your success.

The problem for your career

Here is why this matters. You want to achieve something. You have a deep desire, a wish for yourself.

Instead of achieving this (the path to happiness) you end up displaying self-sabotaging behavior and totally sabotaging your own success.

As a result, you do not achieve your goals AND you’re confused why.

Do you see the issue here?

Without working on self-sabotage, you will never level up. Here, I said it. It is simple chemistry and neuroscience. It won’t happen. You have to make a conscious decision to do something about it.

Questions to ask yourself

Ask yourself these questions.

Where do you show signs of self-sabotage? What triggers this behavior?

Can you think of a story linked to this?

What is it you tell yourself? Especially look out for stories that start with “What I have always done….”

Are you ready to go next level? Or do you want to stay stuck?

It is up to you and you alone to take a course of action and change your path.

Floor Schmeitz is a transformation coach specialized in removing fear and self-sabotage. She also has a thing for digital marketing and adores dogs. As a proud mom of a 5-year old princess, she knows what it is like to hustle.